Grace Gone
by XxTwistedIvyxX
Summary: I screamed frantically my eyes darting; for him. He could save me; he lead me in battle, protected me my whole existence. "Michael!" I screamed as I felt the searing pain as they cut me; covering my face, I sobbed into my palms. My once white pristine feathers fluttering around me now tainted red with my own blood. J/OC
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Ok, so this is an idea I've been kicking around for awhile; and I just couldn't get it to go away so here it is. First I don't own Twilight or anything related to it. Secondly; My angel lore, well, it's a bit of everything. Some of it's from theology, some from the movies: Dogma and Legion, also of course Supernatural. A bit of my own ideas in there as well; so please enjoy! Oh, one more thing: This is a Jasper/OC, In this AU world Alice and Jasper have a more paltonic relationship. I would say this starts roughly about slightly before Eclipse._

_Chapter One: Grace Gone_

* * *

Esther shoved her way through the crowded airport. Her gentle angelic face contorted into an unnatural scowl as her supernaturally azure colored eyes narrowed at her brother. Fit In. Good Lord; they'd been doing this for at least a millennia; and he still could not get it right. Tucking a dark ebony silken lock behind her ear, her gaze fixed on him as he talked animatedly with a Nun. Good Lord; what was he up too? His large seven foot frame looked down at the young nun; his handsome cherub features winning her over as her smiled sweetly. It was the red and black plaid pants that gave him away, the light gray 'hoodie'; that gave her the heebe geebies. With shake of her head, she turned her attention to the small shop she was making her way through…Her unnatural azure gaze landing on her target…_ Mike N Ikes…_ God; he'd given them so much. They had it good down here; and they didn't even know it.  
Pushing back the large bellowing sleeves of the tight fitting scooped neck shirt she wore. Her perfect lily white skin; glittered with the tiniest flicks of gold under the florescent lighting.

"Excuse me; miss?" a young teenage boy looked at her longingly; his brown eyes wide in amazement. He couldn't be any older than nineteen at best.

"Yes..." She quirked an eyebrow; and tilted her head to the side her long ebony hair falling in her face.

"Did it hurt?" he smiled sweetly. Her beautiful face contorted; brows furrowed in confusion. Shoving her small delicate hands in her the pockets of her jeans, she looked into the humans dark eyes.

"Pardon?" her mouth asked on its' own accord.

"When you fell from heaven? Did it hurt; because you must be an angel..." the boy rocked on his heel nervously, his teeth chewed at his bottom lip as her glance at the beautiful woman. Brushings her hair from her eyes with the back of her hand she groaned.

"You have no idea..." she snorted.

* * *

"Fix yourself up. Find some man; find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment, 'cause that's really all that life is, Sister. It's a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours? Esther rolled her eyes, popping the sweet candy in her mouth. She watched as the sister nodded appreciatively, and turned on her heels slowly walking away Esther made a 'psh' noise, and Lukas turned, his pleasant smile showing off his bright teeth, brushing his blonde long locks from his face.

"I don't get you..." she mumbled; chewing. "You know for a fact there is a God; you've been in His presence, he's spoken to you personally. Yet; I just heard you claiming to be an atheist."

"You know me..." he chuckled deeply. "I like to mess with the system.."

"You just spoiled that young lady's faith."

"I did no such thing!" he huffed indignantly, as they started to make their way through the crowded terminal. She groaned as the humans shoved past her without so much of an 'I'm sorry'. Whatever happened to manners? "When did Father ever say that to serve him, they had to confine themselves to a life of celibacy and servitude?" Lukas reasoned; looping his large brawny arm through her much thinner smaller one.

"Never did." She smiled appraisingly, her small hand slipping back into the cardboard package; slipping a red candy through her coral pouty lips.

"See? They got the fundamentals wrong…..I can have a little fun; can't I?" His bright blue almond shaped eyes twinkled. "So what's the mission again?" They pushed through the automatic doors coming out side; as the massive amount of humans standing around made Esther shift uncomfortably.

"Find the prophet...convice her to turn from her sinful ways, and follow her proper path." She mumbled between bites, as her eyes scanned them, so simple. She watched a young blonde child; couldn't be more than four; her long blonde hair up in pigtails on the crown of her head; a bright smiled etched into her features. Her mother conversed blindly with a man, not watching, Esther shook her head. Her heart began to pound wildly. No, no, as the child crossed into the street. Look woman! She screamed mentally. Look; you fool! Esther's breath caught as she saw a yellow taxi cab speed right for her.

She hadn't thought; she just acted. She could hear Lukas frantically yelling her name. Her eyes were shut tightly as she clutched the child tightly to her chest, her large white wings unfolded, were wrapped tightly around the sobbing girl.

Lukas stood in front of her; his large form looking down at her as the humans starred in stunned silence. "What have you done?" he said gravely.

* * *

I keep my head down in shame; my long ebony hair hiding the features of my face. My brothers Raphael and Uriel held my forearms tightly as the drug me towards the Throne Room, Oh Father; where are you? Every few thousand years the Father took a 'vacation' of sorts. This was a particularly long one, Heaven was a mess. He'd left no instructions, no return time. My heart stopped as my eyes met the bright green ones; of my rather smug looking brother as he sat on _His _throne; looking rather pleased with himself.

"Esther..." he clicked is tongue loudly; a tone of disappointment in his voice.

"Gabriel…" I never brought my gaze up from my feet; wrapping my large white pristine wings around myself; seeking some kind of comfort and safety in myself.

"I hear you interfered?" His blonde wavy locks frame his perfect face; the disapproval rolling off him in waves.

"She would have-"

"I don't care," his hissed leaning back against the large gold throne; looking comfortable...too comfortable. He turned his body in it; propping his long lean legs up on the arm rest. What a brat.

"She was just a-"I raised my eyes to meet his; reasoning ,pleading.

"We have rules…"

"I know." I open my mouth to continue but he held up a hand to silence me.

"I don't care. Their just humans."

"But Father…" I started my eyes becoming harder, as a small rage burned in my belly.

"I don't care what Father says..." Gabriel inspected his fingernails casually. "Esther look around do you see Father anywhere? He's been gone for a hundred years...Do you think he even cares about them...us anymore?" My wings unfolded themselves from my body as I glowered; trying in vain the wretch my arm from Uriel.

"Of course he does!" I spat.

"Wake up and smell the manna; Esther. God is dead." Gabriel hissed; he leaned forward his elbows resting on his knees a strange smirk found its' way to his face.

"Oh Lord! " I screamed, slamming my fists against my thighs. "You sound just like _him..." _I hissed in distaste; I couldn't even look at my brother anymore. He disgusted me.

"Did you ever think he had a point?" Gabriel screamed irately; his cool compose gone leaving a bitter bratty child. "We were here first…and then He made them." He spat in distaste. "The humans have besmirched everything bestowed on them. They were given Paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe He exists. And in spite of it all, He's shown them infinite fucking patience at every turn. What about us?"

"He loves them...I love-"His eyes flared and he scoffed.

"You love them?" he laughed loudly. "I remember you kneeled before Adam..."

"Father asked me to." I rose my head in pride; looking down at the bratty child before me.

"Pathetic..."

"You disgust me…you're just like him..." I hissed wrenching my arms free from my brothers. "Don't forget what happened to him..." I spoke lowly a sick smile making its' way on my features..."What _we _did to him and his followers."Gabriel shook his head; looking past me to my brothers.

"They are lost!" he screamed.

"Then it's our duty to guide them!" I screamed as loud as my voice would allow.

"You love them so much?" he said; his voice ecold and loud. He wanted all of our kind to hear; feel my humiliation. "Esther, you have committed a crime against Heaven; I command you are to be stripped of your wings; cut off from Heaven and you can live with... Them… for the rest of their existence..." I shuddered as I heard the metal scrapping of Raphael and Uriel drawing their swords.

"I must talk to Michael…Where is Michael?" I screamed frantically my eyes darting; for him. He could save me; he lead me in battle, protected me my whole existence. "Michael!" I screamed as I felt the searing pain as they cut me; covering my face, I sobbed into my palms. My once white pristine feathers fluttering around me now tainted red with my own blood_._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you so much for all the follows and favorites! I truly appreciate them, and I'm so stoked that you're enjoying this, as much as I enjoy writing it. Please take a moment to review. One more thing; this story does skip from third person and Esther's POV, I thought it would be interesting. I generally don't write from a first person stand point, I, for some reason or an other don't particulally like to write my stories that way, so bear with me a little._

* * *

_Chapter Two: Falling from Grace_

_Where do fallen angels go  
I just dont know  
Where do fallen angels go  
They just keep falling  
Now the times in frightening  
Cant ignore the facts  
Theres so many people  
Just slippin through the cracks  
So many ashes are scattered  
So many rivers run dry  
Sometimes your Heaven is Hell  
and you dont know why_

* * *

Forks Hospital was a mess; nurses running every direction, muttering to themselves. Carlisle ran a hand over his slicked back hair as he made has way over to Charlie; who was desperately trying to console Mrs. Hennessey; the sweet elderly woman shook visibly as tears streamed down her wrinkled cheeks.

"Chief Swan...she just ...I never meant to hit her…She ...fell from the sky!" The elderly woman sobbed into her palms, as a young woman lay in the ICU; covered in blood and bruises, Mrs. Hennessey was senile though she'd had he license revoked to many times to count; and Carlisle himself had treated the old woman for alcohol poisoning many times…unreliable at best; she was. Charlie nodded; closing his notebook and sliding the pen to his pocket. Charlie's eyes met Carlisle and he smirked raising and eyebrow, closing the distance he nodded.

"How is she?" Charlie asked with a loud sigh; running fingers though his messy locks. Stress; rolled off him.

"Stable; surprisingly. I was on my way to assess the situation." Carlisle nodded; taking a look at the clipboard in his hand.

"I have more than one witness..." Charlie shifted uncomfortably. "They say she fell from the sky…naked." He quirked an eyebrow. A young nurse rushed over panic written all over her face; interrupting Carlisle just as he was about to say something.

"Doctor Cullen; I think you need to see this."

* * *

I laid there still as possible; pain radiated through my core. They believed me dead. I wished I was. I had been cast out; fallen from grace. They had taken my wings. My chest ached, why? Why me? I had been a good daughter; a good soldier, a good angel. I'd taken down my own brothers and sisters when asked; thrown them into the pit without a second thought; I knelt before _their kind_ eagerly; second. Michael had been first.

I had never lost faith; never questioned His judgment. I closed my eyes tightly as I heard the humans shuffle in; something about me distressed the young nurse, she'd ran out of the room only minutes earlier. Against my better judgment; I watched through my lashes, as she talked to the tall handsome doctor. Human. Oh no, that was no human; I knew what he was. I was ambivalent; not much had ever been said able their kind…their creation, being a bit of a mystery to me personally.

"Doctor; we took this sample." The young blonde nurse held up a vile of my own blood to the light for the doctor. "It glitters..." she mumbled softly. Handsome Vampire's eyes widened; and I suppressed a chuckle. "There's more.." she mumbled; making her way over to me as I shut me eyes tightly, trying to control my heart rate. "She's covered in these strange tattoos." She pulled back my sheet; lifting a bicep. "At the risk of creeping you out, Doctor Cullen." The girl spoke softly and measuredly. "I went through a phase I was incredibly religious…I know this sounds crazy, but that's Enohcian." The nurse whispered.

"What are you saying; dear?" his cool musical voice filled my ears.

"I don't know." Her voice trembled. "Her wounds on her back…There are two large gashes on her scapula's….like something was…removed." I froze when I felt two large incredibly cold hands lay on my shoulders pulling my limp body up. My eyes opened; in shock and the nurse gasped her chocolate brown gaze met mine. Her tiny hand flew to cover her lips and she dutifully made a cross over her form.  
"My God." She gasped. I felt two hands trace where my wings had once been and I howled in a mixture of sorrow and pain.

"Nurse Reaser; this hospital. Not a church. I think you should go home for the rest of the day, you must rest." Handsome Vampires 'tone was cool and even. The young woman's coral lips frowned as her eyes met mine. She paused her gaze drifting from the vampire and then me; I nodded slightly trying to silently give her validation. Muttering to herself she scurried from the room, the door clicking behind her.

The Handsome Vampire backed away from me; his golden eyes glittering with emotions I could not register. I'm not good with emotions; we are not really emotional creatures. We serve our purpose. He leaned heavily against the sterile white counter; his golden eyes travelling from my markings that covered my arms; to the wounds of my back, my body repairing itself before his eyes, my bruises from my fall fading, and gashes disappearing.

"I know what you are." I spoke levelly; nothing implied just a matter of fact I thought the former human should know before he tried to cover what he was up.

"I...I .What are you?" He seemed to sputter, his eyes. Focusing my attention to the golden orbs I saw flashes of his life before my eyes. A pastor's son. A vampire hunter, turned, oh the irony. God really did have a funny sense of humor. My azure gaze met his, as I squared my shoulder, proudly raising my chin.

"I am an angel of the Lord Almighty, the one true God." I rattled off the speech from memory as if it were nothing. He stared at me unspeaking, as if he was not quite sure what to say. "Or I was." I added swinging my lean legs over the side of the bed, the sheet covering me fell to the ground around my ankles. Handsome Vampires eyes bulged as he turned away; I had forgotten how …well odd, humans were about nudity.  
"Please; "I scoffed. "That's how you all lost paradise in the first place." I reached down wrapping the scratchy linen around my body. "I'm decent."

"Pardon?" Handsome Vampire; quirked an eyebrow. "About Paradise; I mean."

"Adam..."I smirked. "Never knew he was naked until he ate from the Tree of Knowledge….Of course the Lord already knew; but when some of us, angels came to visit them, he and Eve hid themselves in shame of their 'nakedness.'" I used air quotes. "That's how we all knew."

"Forgive me, "Handsome Vampire shook his head slightly holding out a hand to me. Silly human greeting, hand shaking. I never quite understood it. "I am Carlisle Cullen."

"Esther." I nodded, slipping my warmer much smaller hand inside his. "I suppose I should find a way to escape before you crazy people through me in some lab and conduct tests on me; as you do chimpanzees."

* * *

I had decided I didn't particularly care for this 'driving' business. It was slow and confining. I had however; decided I like the former human, Carlisle. He was a man of compassion, and caring it radiated off his being. But he was also a doctor, a man of science and as he drove I could see the wheels in his mind turning. He had insisted on taking me to his 'home'; I agreed. I didn't have any other plans, any other place to go. Wearing a simple light blue button down he had handed, I store down at my hands. His butterscotch colored gaze would look at me; and then tear his eyes away. He was an older man; one of refinement, his old world manners spoke volumes.

"Go ahead and ask." I spoke softly, gazing out the window. The densely wooded area of whatever back road he was driving on. Their world was so beautiful, so simple but lovely.

"I'm sorry?" he quirked a blonde eyebrow.

"I can feel all your questions; I won't be offended. Ask." I touched my matted; dirty hair. Stealing a glance at his angular face we were so similar our kinds but so different. "Before you ask;" I interrupted quickly. "I'm just an angel; a soldier, servant. I don't know much about your kind. Your existence or how you came to be." Carlisle nodded slowly; he looked a bit disappointed.

"Let me guess you were hoping for answers to all of this." A waved a small hand around me flippantly.

"It would have been nice." He chuckled, smiling warmly at me.

"That's above my pay grade."

"So there is without a doubt a God?" he voice was soft and calming. Why was he asking? He already knew we, my kind, could spot a human. Well, former in his case, of faith a mile away.

"Oh yes; "I chuckled. "But you already knew that." Our eyes met and I saw the pain that glittered in his, sorrow. My body was jostled roughly as he pulled into a gravel driveway. It was definite I didn't like this driving business and would avoid it at all cost from now on. He made to open the door, but stopped short when I leaned over cupping his marble cold cheek with my small warm hand. "He loves you; in spite of what you are, if you believe that he doesn't you are sorely mistaken."

* * *

**_A/N: Please take a moment to review._**


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter Three: Sabbatical of Sorts_

* * *

Alice had store into space; her brow furrowed in confusion as she griped Jasper's hand. She shook her head slowly, as the others store at her expectantly. Jasper could feel her confusion; joy; and a bit of fear.

"What is it?" Rosalie; asked peering over the issue of Glamour she'd been flipping through. Esme also smiled softly...waiting.

"Carlisle…" she licked her bottom lip again the confusion evident. " He's bringing someone home who isn't like us." She shook her head. Rosalie rolled her eyes; glancing across the sitting room at Edward; who held Bella firmly next him

"Just what we need more humans. Great." the sarcasm dripping off her. Esme tutted; she eyed the younger woman in disappointment. Edward stood defensively, his hands gripping his hips.

"Rosalie." He started, but Alice shook her head vigorously, looking into Jaspers eyes the confusion etched into her features.

"No; she isn't human. I...I don't know what she is." Alice stuttered, her eyes focused straight ahead, she store at Bella, it was a bit unnerving. "I've never seen any...thing like it before. She's…short…very petite; like me. Thin; frail looking." Eyebrows rose heavenward, the Cullen's leaning forward, seeming to hang on her every word. "She's' strange. She has the weirdest eyes;" Bella laughed, at the irony of Alice talking about some other persons eyes being 'strange'. "They're the darkest blue, almost...purple. She has this perfect…unblemished...lily skin….her face is perfect, like ours. Almost like she was handmade by some sort of artist." She shook her head again. "If that makes any sense."

"What is she?" Bella asked, growing a bit on edge.

"I don't know," Alice groaned again in frustration, laying her head in her palms as Jasper snaked an arm around her shoulders. "I saw her…bleeding." Jasper tensed visibly. "Her blood it's red...but ...it shimmers…like flecks of gold in it…and her arms, there covered in these..." she pursed her lips. "Strange markings. Tattoos, but I know they're not. Not tattoos some kind of marking; lines, swirly designs. I have no idea what they are." She rubbed her hands over her face with a groan. "They're here."

Their gazes turned expectantly to the large glass door as it swung open, Carlisle ushered in a small woman, Alice had been right. Rosalie gasped audibly; she was stunning, she seemed to almost glow. Her appearance was raggedy though; her dark black hair hung slightly above her waist and was matted and tangled. She wore what; Rose was assuming was Carlisle's shirt. The top button left undone revealing her delicate looking collarbone; the shirt hung down to her mid-thigh revealing a generous amount of creamy toned leg.

"Darling." Esme was the first to tear her gaze away from the woman, stepping forward she eagerly kissed her husband's cheek, sliding an arm around his back as she looked over the young woman at his side. His hand firmly planted on the small woman's back.

"Family, this is Esther." He smiled happily, earning quizzical looks. "Esther,this is my family." Her lips twitched into a tight lipped smile. She couldn't help but notice none of them smiled at her; with the exception of the woman tightly wrapped in her new found friends embrace, and a short child-like woman with very short cropped dark hair. The blonde modelesque woman rolled her eyes dramatically

"So now we're taking in strays?" the blonde spoke, venom dripping from her words; as the tall brawny man at her side shook his head slowly. His golden eyes never leaving the intense glittering azure colored ones.

"I hate to be rude…" The short child-like one started, earning a stern look from the woman at Carlisle's side. The honey colored haired man at her side seemed to be in some sort of pain. His face etched with a scowl.

"Which is undoubtly followed by something rude." The bronze haired teenager that clutched a brunette tightly to his side rolled his eyes.

"What are you? I've seen you in my visions but- I can't place..." she trailed off looking at the pained man at her side. Esther shrugged Carlisle's hand from her; squaring her shoulders and raising up to her full height.

"I am and angel of the Lord God almighty; creator of Heaven and Earth." Her voice was steady and beautiful like a choir of. Well angels, but they, the vampires couldn't help but notice her eyes filled with tears, as they trickled over her bottom lids, sliding down her cheeks.

* * *

I sat at the large table, a dining room the humans called it. I was honestly a bit puzzled. It was my understanding that vampires did not dine, well not per se. They store at me in stunned silence; and I found myself running my fingers over the smooth grain of the dark wood. Carlisle was speaking; and I was partially paying attention to his words. I suppose he was explaining about my lack of knowledge about the meaning of their existence. The human store more openly than anyone else, her mouth gaping.

"You're an angel?" What was her name again? Bella. Right. I smirk a bit; the irony of the situation sinking in.

"You are seated with, in love with...a family of undead." I gestured my hand flippantly, palm up to the others. "Yet, you find my existence…troubling?" I quirked my head to the side slightly not understanding her feelings.

"Perhaps you should explain a bit to us?" Carlisle lead me in conversation I suppose. We watched humans, other beings of Earth, but my...interaction with them was limited at best.

"I suppose..." I drug my small hand into the breast pocket of the shirt, revealing a packing of those sticks the humans smoked. I'd always wanted one; they looked so...fulfilling. "What?" I hissed, placing one between my lips. "I was cast out of Heaven. I think a little inequity is in order." I said callously as my thumb fumbled with that stupid device that made a flame. How on Earth did they operate the stupid thing? In frustration I was about to throw it; when I jumped feeling a cold hand on mine, prying the tiny bit of plastic from my fingers. Slowly I looked up from my empty hands; the pained looking one , Jasper fiddled with the damned thing, I watched in amazement as it flicked to life, the flame flickering against the plains of his face, the scowl still evident. What had I done to him? Leaning across the table, I breathed deeply, my breath hitched, it burns my throat coughing and sputtering. Carlisle looked smug, a smile on his lips. "Not as wonderful as it looks; but it'll do." I remarked softly, leaning back into the chair.

"So, how old are you?" Esme asked her elbows on the table as she leaned forward. I thought for a moment, I had no idea, taking another breath off of the small stick. Better.

"Honestly; I don't know. Time...is fleeting ...up there." I smirked, the cigarette between my lips. "I remember when there was nothing here," gripping the cigarette between two fingers, I waved the hand around her, gesturing around me. "I remember the void."

"Oh my God;" Bella breathed. "So you're as old as Earth."

"Older..." I smirked. "We are created for different purposes; at first, we were created to be his children, we still are, mind you...but when you all were created ...He loves you, favors you over all his endeavors."

"And now?" Rosalie asked.

"Now; our duty is to guide you, protect you…and deliver messages to those he deems fit." I noticed their eyebrows rise. "Humans, neither have the auditory not physical capacity to hear God's true voice. Were a human to hear it, their mind would cave in and their heart explode in their chest." I smirked a bit, taking another breath off the cigarette. My eyes met Alice's. "We actually went through about five Adams before we realized that."

"So God's never spoken to..." Emmett, brow knotted together.

"No, "I laughed. "Anytime some yahoo, claims God's spoken to them. Their talking to one of us." Shrugging, I nodded slowly "Or possibly. Themselves." I added chuckling.

"What's he like?" Alice eyes wide; and her voice soft.

"God? He's lonely… has a great sense of humor though; take for instance those ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus...hilarious." I laughed loudly, tossing my head back, as I brushed a tear from my eye. I laughed harder as their mouths gaped and they store at me.

"Wait, "Edward spoke. "Sex is a joke in Heaven?" My eyes met his and I smirked.

"From what I understand; it's mostly a joke down here too."

"So wait; what are you all, peeping angels, you watch us..." Rosalie looked horrified; Carlisle eyes were wide as were his wife's, Jasper's face was still pained. Was there something wrong with the boy?

"We do sometimes; we have to get our jollies somehow."

"So..." Bella's voice was low, she looked embarrassed. "You don't have sex? Angels, I mean."

"No..." I said almost mournfully. "We were not created to be...able to..."

"Able?" Carlisle, ever the inquisitive one quirked his head to the side.

"We lack…definition…" Again, most of them just stared at me, questioning. "I'm as anatomically correct as a Barbie doll." Without any hesitation, my fingers coiled around the hem of Carlisle's shirt lifting it to my chin. My eyes looking at theirs. Bella gasped, and Edward turned away, Carlisle's eyes bulged again. Jasper looked and then quickly looked down.

"Ugh…" Alice spoke softly..." I don't think." Only then did I look down at my chest. Eyes bulging. My once smooth slightly rounded mounds of flesh, had smoothing I'd never seen, on me at least. I had nipples. What in sweet Heaven? I quickly dropped the hem, my cheeks blushing furiously. "I've never had..." Alice's high pitched chipper laugh broke the tension. I didn't pay any mind; I couldn't help...but wonder. My mind reeling as I slid my palms over my new found breasts over the shirt. Did I have one of. Those? Curiosity killing me, I couldn't resist, Tightly clamping the cigarette between my lips, I jumped out over the chair, and much to their horror, stripped myself of my shirt, bending slightly I looked between my legs.

"HOLY SHIT!" I screamed.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you so much for all the kind reviews; follows and favorites! I want to thank **Regin, Twilighter169 and Mikachu** for their wonderful reviews! Enjoy! And please take a moment and review!_

_Chapter Four: No Good Deed…_

* * *

Esther stood in the small glass lined oasis; called a 'shower'. The warm water that streamed down on her tired aching muscles; was lovely. The steam that engulfed her was intoxicating. Oh God, what was to become her? Her small hands travelled the length of the body; her body. The human flesh was soft and warm, the blood that coursed through her veins made her wince. Her new found 'humanity' was without a doubt; troubling. Disgusting. With a loud groan she laid her palms flat against the light tan colored slightly cool tiles, leaning into them. The water streaming through her dirty bloody matted hair, spitting the contents of it out of her mouth from time to time. Her belly twisted in knots and growled. Wiping the tears that had somehow fell from her eyes, her hands fiddled with the bright shiny chrome fixtures. The water suddenly turned hot; too hot with a yelp she jumped from the shower slamming the glass door behind her.

"Is everything alright in there?" the sweet gentle voice of Esme called through the door. What a lovely woman; beautiful as well.

"I'm not sure. I can't turn the silly thing off." Esther called; standing dumbly on the cold tile floor, her naked dripping body forming a large puddle beneath her. She slid her dripping hair over her boney shoulder, feeling the water streaking down her body.

"Unlock the door, sweetheart." The knob jiggled as she assumed Esme was attempting to come a trembling hand she turned it; and jumped a bit startled when the little button in the center popped. She hugged herself with her small arms, they were a poor replica of the ones she once had. Thin and small barely muscled. The arms she once had were muscled, and conditioned from eons of battle. What was this feeling? She trembling uncontrollably as Esme stepped through the door. Her teeth trembled against each other, and the humanly flesh rose in tiny bumps.

"Oh" Esme gasped turning her head, but after a moment she looked back. "Oh, sweetheart..." she cooed almost in a motherly fashion. "Did you take a towel?" She could have laughed, as the short thin woman, hugged her naked form shiver uncontrollably. Her pleasantly pretty face cocked to the side, brow furrowed.

"What is a towel?" A small smile graced Esme's face, as she slid past the naked woman. Opening the white door in the beautiful large bathroom. Esther's eyes were glued to the vampire's graceful movements. As she plucked a fluffy dark brown, chocolate looking piece of fabric.

"This is a towel." She chuckled a bit, her motherly instincts kicking into over drive. She wrapped the small woman in the plush fabric wrapping her; like a mother would its' toddler. "Sit." She gestures to the toilet; Esther looked at the woman with a raised dark eyebrow, but still complied, her small hands grasping the opposite ends of the 'towel.' Clutching the warmth it offered to her wreak; frail human form. She shivered more as she sat down the cold lid, touching her flesh. Her eyes widened in shock as the woman knelt on the wet tile in front of her, another towel in her hands as she rubbed it fiercely over the flesh of Esther's legs.

"I've been meaning to talk to you...in private." Esme's voice was soft and slightly mournful. Again, she cocked her head to the side looking at the woman, questions burning in her eyes. "When I was. Human. I lost a child. Shortly after he was born." Esther sighed mournfully, the human condition. They were so frail; the children.

"And you want to know what has become of it?" Esther smiled, as Esme stood, the towel finding its way to her head as Esme rubbed slightly violently against her hair.

"Yes," she breathed.

"He was blameless; without sin." Esther smiled with conviction. "Human children a born not knowing sin; it's the world that eventually corrupts them…. They are much like us; pure completely without sin so if one should pass, they become like us. The cherubim." She smirked.

"Cherubs?"

"Yes," Esther laughed. "I've seen paintings mankind creates of them; chubby cute babies with wings?" she laughed. "They're not actually like that but." She shrugged.

"What are they like?"

"They receive angelic bodies…" Esther looked up at Esme as she dried the hair on her head, their eyes met and Esther smiled softly. "I had an angelic body, my true form looked I suppose like this..." she gestured to her towel clad body. "But not quite." Esme's smiled grew larger and she finished up.

""bend your head over." She softly commanded. Esther silently complied, as Esme took the damp towel she fashioned a turban around Esther's still slightly damp hair. "What did you look like?" Curiosity getting the best of her.

"Oh..." Esther sighed. "I was beautiful…Twenty feet tall, an impressive wingspan." She laughed.

"Twenty feet tall?" Esme's eyebrow rose and the smile on her face was soft and welcoming. Esther nodded happily.

"That's relatively short for our kind, Michael" Esme quirked an eyebrow; questioning. "Michael; the Archangel…my brother. He is Fifty feet tall….Uriel is as tall as your Chrysler building." Esme nodded slowly taking in all the new information. Carlisle was the one who had unshakable faith, she had her doubts, as did the others. But an Angel, fallen or not seemed to fill the home with more questions than answers.

"So the Cherubim?" Esme turned her back to Esther opening the door, she motioned her hand to someone who stood in the hall, as Esther leaned over trying to see around the door. Closing it with a click she held some folded items to her chest. "Is that what you are?"

"No;" Esther tossed her head back a loud boisterous laugh leaving her coral lips. "I'm an Arch." Her eyes darkened noticeably as her head hung lowly eyes fixed on her feet. "I was a Coronel in God's army…My purpose was mostly as a warrior."

"Really…. I mean no offense but you don't look lik-"Esther laughed loudly again, her dark eyes glittering; as they shifted back to the bright azure color. Her hands twisted in her lap.

"Of course not!" she smirked. "But my angelic body, at the risk of sounding conceited, I was something fierce. I was built for battle. I was truly something to behold, flaming sword and all." She laughed darkly. Her head slumped down further resting in her palms, as her shouldered starting to shake as her sobs came. Esme's eyes drifted to her shoulder blades, the towel only covered about half of the two large ugly scars that were on her back.

* * *

Esme left without a word silently excusing herself; leaving me to collect myself in peace. The talk we had was difficult. I had only fallen a day ago; but I hadn't had much time to ponder what my being cast out truly meant. My former glory; my grace gone. What have I become? Immortal surely; punished to walk amongst mankind until He decides to end it. Never once again to be a warrior for Him, never again to have my angelic body. I would be destined to sit outside the Gates for eternity. Being cast out meant even when He did decided to end it all, I would never be in his presence again, never be allowed back in to the kingdom. Bitterly I began to laugh. No good deed goes unpunished; isn't that what they say? I save one of His children from death, and this is how I am rewarded? Bitterly I thought the only thing I could '_ Fuck Gabriel.' _ If I ever get the chance; human or not. I will destroy him. Even if I must enlist Samael's help to do it…and in that moment; I shuttered. Realizing how truly far I had fallen.


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: Thank you so much for all the new favorites and follows! I want to thank Twilighter169 and Regin for their reviews! I too love Dogma quite a bit, and I'm debating a little; the Metatron might have a little cameo later on. Please take a moment and review! I update faster if you do!_**

_Chapter Five: Losing..._

_That's me in the corner  
That's me in the spotlight  
Losing my religion  
Trying to keep up with you  
And I don't know if I can do it  
Oh no I've said too much  
I haven't said enough_

* * *

Esther slowly came down the stairs; her azure colored eyes were red and puffy from what Alice assumed was crying. The small woman wore a pair of Alice's pajama pants black and loose they road low on her hips; and a light purple tank top, that seemed to make her eyes,. Look more purple than blue. Her collarbone and arms bare, the back strange markings caught Alice's attention. Alice smirked and Esther's stomach growled loudly, laying a hand on her belly Esther's eyes narrowed in confusion.

"What is that noise?" a cute look of puzzlement crossed her face, her eyes bouncing from Emmett to Alice and finally Jasper. Her temper rose a bit seeing that he still had a scowl on his face. Alice laughed as Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"You're hungry..." Esme smirked. "I sent Edward to get you something." Esther nodded; standing awkwardly in the middle of the large glorious kitchen, that was unused. Her bare feet kicking absent mindedly at the ground.

"Where is Carlisle?" she asked hopefully; she liked him. Esme smiled warmly, as she stood from the couch lying whatever she had been reading on the plush arm. She made her way over to the large oak table that sat in the stark white kitchen, gray granite countertops, still as perfect as they day they were built. Pulling a chair out Esme' held her hand out palm up.

"Have a seat. He's at work. He will be back later this evening, but you should rest before hand." Esme chuckled. Pulling out her own chair she took a seat next to Esther. "He's very curious. We all are a bit." Alice quickly stood, blurring to the table as she sat across from Esther who still viewed the man named Jasper with skepticism. Leaning across the tabled her elbows bent a bit; her eyes fixed with Alice's.

"Did I do something to him?" she spoke lowly. Her gaze difting to the man his gaze fixed on whatever he had been reading, his gaze met her's and narrowed. That stupid scowl etching itself back into his features. Alice's musical voice filled the room.

"He can hear you." The honey blonde rolled his eyes a smug smirk finding it's was to his face, before he stood briskly leaving the room. Esther craning her head her hard gaze following as he climbed the stairs.

"Jasper hasn't been on our...diet as long as the rest of us;" Alice smiled. The pixie took a deep breath through her nostrils. "And your blood has very…alluring quality to it." She chuckled. Esther bristled a bit, her back ridged; and her tattooed forearms rest in a prayer position before her, pressing her lips against the finger she smiled tightly.

"That's because it's pure."

"It smells..." Esme leaned into Esther a bit. "Like rain."

"It's pure." Esther smirked. "Untainted by the world. Although I don't see how rain is particularly appetizing." Alice shrugged; resting her own small hands on the table.

"It just is…May I ask about your tattoos?"

"They're not tattoos. They are my markings…essentially it's the story my existence." She blinked. "And downfall."

"Carlisle said their enochian? What is that?" Esther opened her mouth to speak but bristled as the door opened; a conversation filtering in, one she wasn't supposed to hear.

"Edward; you know I'm not practically religious or anything." The human's voice filtered in. "But angels have to do something pretty terrible to get kicked out of Heaven; even I know that." Her voice was low. Alice's brow furrowed and Esme cast an apologetic smile at Esther.

The door audibly snapped shut, as Edward's voice hissed. "She can hear you." They two flittered in hand in hand; as Bella hid her gaze, staring amorously up at Edward as if he was her life; her reason for existence. The tall lanky vampire sat a paper bag with large golden arches in front of her.

"I didn't know what you'd like..." Esther shrugged her hands reaching into the bag as she struggled to maintain her anger. Michael had always chastised her for her temper. Even angels weren't perfect; they all had their flaws. Her's had always been that she was a bit short fused and temperamental.

"So what did you do?" The human asked timidly; almost hiding herself behind her lover. Esther's gaze shifted up to meet the brown eyes of the human, her gaze was different, harsh and cold. Her jaw set tightly as she cocked her head to the side; her damp hair hung heavily down her back.

"None of your business."

"Why aren't you like a …demon or something?" the human asked growing bolder.

"Bella- "Her lover turned his head to her. Esther smirked as she thrust her hand into the paper bag; her stomach was starting to hurt; quite a bit. It grumbled and flip flopped. Azure eyes store skeptically at the item in her hands. It smelled wonderful, but it was wrapped in a layer of. Paper? Something. Raising her eyes she gazed across the table at Alice.

"The story of your existence…that sounds interesting." Alice chirped; the smile on her face widened as her gaze travelled to the item, her smaller hands slipped into Esther's quickly unwrapping the item easily. "Go ahead." She smirked with a nod.

* * *

It was different here; on Earth. I found myself alone, at this point it was a welcome bit of time to myself. The Cullen's were kind. They were the type of 'people' that gave you hope in Mankind. Taking in a complete stranger off the street, claiming to be an angel. I'm quite sure that had to be a stretch of the imagination. I sat on the small deck, the crickets chirping, the sunset was breathtaking. The pinky blues and oranges looked like a painting of sorts. Tilting me head down, I watched the bright amber glow that burned the end of my cigarette, I watched as the gray soot at the end tumbled toward the ground, much like I had. Ironic. Maybe Gabriel was right; what if God was dead. What if he had decided not to come back? What if he was finally fed up with all the bullshit? I shook my head, what was this world doing to me? I had never lost faith before. But here I was standing in a home full of vampires...losing it rapidly.

"That's me in the corner...That's me in the spotlight...losing my religion." I sang softly to myself, squashing the cigarette.


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter Six: Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord._

* * *

Carlisle came home after his shift quickly; being alone at work had given a whole new round of questions, for Esther. Divine intervention? Why had she spoken earlier about God in past tense? He had to reel himself in, his need for answers, his need to know was over shadowing her. She was a mess. Esme had called; claiming Esther had a bit of a breakdown in the bathroom. He'd never fully understand her distress, of course he could sympathize but he had never had Paradise, and then lost it in the blink of an eye. Pulling into the drive way; he couldn't help but wonder, why was every light on, shining brightly through the large windows. With a shake of his head he grabbed his bags off the passenger seat, a small bag of assorted prescriptions: Prozac, Xanax, and even a few Cymbalta, hoping it would ease the transition for her. She was blunt and snarky, but somehow; something deep within his gut told him she was standing on a ledge; one small event away from a complete breakdown.

Opening the door he was surprised at the sight before him, his 'children' his wife all sitting around the living room, speaking so softly, so quickly there was no way for Esther to hear. But their gazes landed on him, Jasper was seated on the arm of the couch, his hand lightly planted on the back of Esther. The small form was sprawled on the sofa, her face was relaxed, and lips slightly parted as a gentle snore left me mouth. A tiny bit of saliva clung to her bottom lip; threatening to fall at any moment.  
Esme's gaze met his, offering a smile; she raised a finger to her lips with a soft 'shush'. "She's sleeping." Carlisle's eyebrow raised, well, that answered a question. Angels slept. Alice smirked sadly, and he couldn't help but notice his children looked distressed. Jasper had a dark, solemn look etched into his stony features.

"She's been haveing some sort of nightmares." Alice smiled, standing she grabbed the remote flicking the television to life, sitting quietly at Jaspers' feet on the floor, slightly below Esther's head, she reached up brushing a fallen strand of Esther's hair for her face. She looked less human, more angelic as she slept. Her fine, beautiful features relaxed, at ease. High cheek bones, full pouty lips a pale pink color. Long full eye lashes that ghosted over her face.

"Edward is trying to decipher her nightmares…" Esme supplied as she gracefully floated over to her husband. Wrapping her arms around his waist, lifting her lips to his as they shared a quick but loving kiss. Edward's eyes met his for a moment; his brow furrowed in concentration.

"They don't make much sense… They're flashes. That I can't seem to put together." He shook his head; his seat on the sofa next to Esther's small bare feet. The lose fitting dark purple pajama pants she were bunched up around her thighs, he could only assume from tossing and turning. The tank top Alice had given the young woman showed the two gaping wounds on her scapulas off, they hadn't healed? Carlisle's brow knit together. All her other wounds, bruises and gashes alike had healed completely. His gaze met Esme's as she took his medical bag and the smaller bag of medication from him. Blurring into the kitchen she dropped the items on the tabled, before returning in the blink of an eye.

"They haven't healed?" Carlisle quirked a head, it was a statement, not a question.

"No," Esme shook her head, brushing her hair over her shoulder, looking to Alice and then Rosalie. Rosalie didn't seem distressed at all. Her face buried in a fashion magazine.

"No one wants to ask about them, " Rose never lifted her gaze. "There are certain subjects that seem to piss her off." She said bluntly. Leave it to Rosalie not to beat around the bush; or sugar coat anything.

"Piss her off?" Carlisle didn't believe it; she had been nothing but sweet a bit snarky but sweet. She answered most of their questions about even the most mundane with a grace a sense of humbility about her. The idea of the young woman angry was something hard to fathom. Alice nodded though from her place on the floor.

"Bella might have upset her earlier." Alice smiled. Her small hand patted Jaspers thigh as her moved to sit between his legs.

"Leave it to her to have the ability to piss off even an angel." Rosalie muttered darkly, from her reading. Emmett shook his head, slowly as he blurred over to Alice making a move for the remote. He had enough of _ Say Yes to the Dress _for one day. Edward glared darkly at Rosalie.

"She didn't mean to."

"She never means to." Rosalie spat.

"No, I'm watching this." Alice snatched it away.

"Come on; there's a hockey game on." He almost whined, making another attempt to grab it. Carlisle couldn't help but glance at Jasper the dark expression on his face was slightly troubling. He seemed to make an effort to only breathe though his mouth and hand had a slight tremble to it.

"Jasper," Carlisle called softly. He got no response; not even a look up as Jasper's gaze was focused on the girls sleeping form.

"Jasper. Are you alright?"

"Fine," he muttered. His gaze met Carlisle's the ochre blackness of it took Carlisle aback.

"You need to go hunt;" Carlisle supplied, glancing at Esme nodding. Emmett seemed to have given up trying to steal the remote away, jumping up eagerly.

"Let's go, brother."

"She needs me to sleep comfortably." Jasper had an almost guilty look pass through his eyes; but as quickly as it appeared it was gone.

"Yeah; I doubt she'll be comfortable if you eat her." Edward snickered; at Rosalie's comment, rising from his seat.

"I brought medication; if she should need it." Carlisle supplied, a small smile found its way to his lips.

"I have to go to Bella." Edward started, as he made his way to the door, Rosalie rolling her eyes dramatically.

"He has to go stalk that girl."

"I'm not stalking her." Edward seethed; his jaw set angrily glaring at the blonde, who unfazed never lifted her gaze.

"Rigghhht.." Emmett chuckled tugging Jasper away from Esther.

* * *

_ I found myself in a familiar scene; one I found would never leave me. One I'd never forget. Lot, a small elderly man, clutched his two young daughters to his sides. They were beautiful each with the darkest midnight hair._

_"Please; they can change we can change." He begged me. Tears spurting from his eyes. I glanced over my shoulder. Michael shook his head slowly. His stoic face emotionless. His large muscled bulky form took up nearly half of their small home. _

_"The order has been given." His steely blue eyes met mine, as I gasped for breath. The two young women sobbed loudly. _

_"There are children!" Lot cried his sliver long hair matted to his sagging wrinkled face._

_"I'm sorry." I muttered, as Gabriel grabbed the family pushing them to the door. He looked back at me briefly his eyes downcast. Michael and I shared a look before I pulled my sword for my side. A strange feeling rushing; coursing through my veins. I didn't want this. Maybe they could change. This wasn't love; this wasn't mercy, this was an extermination. My fingers grasped the hilt of my sword tightly. This was a mistake. I gasped loudly as a firm large hand grasped my shoulder, whirling my to face the tightly set jawline and fire that burned in Michael's eyes._

_"Please Esther; don't question the judgment….It is dangerous."_

_"Michael-"_

_"No, you are toeing a very thin line, sister…please I beg; do not cross it. I cannot bare to loose anymore siblings." His eyes pleaded but the harshness in his words made me shiver. The screams started; men, women, children alike all screaming for mercy crying out to a God, that was no longer listening to them. With an emotionless nod I made my way out the door to join in the slaughter, and I plunged my sword the through the gut of a crying woman on her knees, the dirt caked on her face I found tears streaming down my face._


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter Seven: Hurt._

_I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything_

* * *

It was hard, but I had done it; with help of course. I had made a life for myself. That was what humans did of course; they took what they were given and made the best of it; or at least tried. It was ironic of course the amount of help I received; vampires helping me adjust to being human. Somehow I chocked it up to His slightly twisted sense of humor. It had been a little over a month since I fell; the wound was still an open sore. I found that I didn't like to talk about it. I didn't want to, and they were kind, never pushing too much. Even though I got the impression some wanted to. Carlisle had wanted me to attend school with the rest of them, but soon decided against as; I am a terrible lair and hadn't quite gotten used to the concept, or art of it. It would have been quite easier to just proclaim that I had been an angel; but Carlisle promptly shut that down, it wasn't as easy in this strange new world. Two thousand years ago, hell, even a thousand years ago if I had said such no one would've questioned me, but now, they would assume I was a lunatic.

I had learned a lot about them, the Cullen's and would even count the as 'friends'. At my refusal to attend school Carlisle promptly hired me as his 'assistant', which I quickly found meant I sat in his office and answered the phone for eight hours. He had helped me rent a small apartment above the local diner; it was tiny but homey. Of course; he wasn't thrilled, he'd wanted me to staying their home, but I had found that seven people in that house, as large as it was, was bit melodramatic. Edward with his angst and self-deprecation was more than a little irritating. The rest were kind and sweet and she was lucky to count them as friends…except Jasper. She somehow got the distinct i9mpression that he didn't like her much, if at all. He avoided her at all costs; and when he was face with her presence, that scowl was on his face at all times.

It was better that I lived alone though; I had learned of their love for mankind, while it was beautiful that they tried, fought against nature to maintain the 'sanctity of life', I quickly had decided that there were certain aspects of my life…my past. I would have to hide. Carlisle was a sweet understanding man, but I highly doubt if he knew…certain aspects of my existence, he, possibly they, would be disgusted with me. Cast away from them, much like Heaven. I don't think I can handle anymore rejection in this life.

I sighed heavily mushing out the cigarette I'd been holding; I found that this smoking business was quite addictive. I would have to get ready for work, Carlisle would be here soon. They still would not let me drive; it was quite annoying. I slipped past the small table in my even smaller kitchen, it was cute but confining. I slipped into the small bathroom, the pink timed walls, and pastel yellow woodwork; it reeked of the seventies…not a time period I was practically fond of. I quickly braided my hair into what Rosalie said was 'French braid.' I couldn't figure out why, there was nothing 'French' about it.

* * *

Alice sat in Rosalie's car after 'school'. She and Rose had made plans to take Esther shopping, and out to lunch, but she was taking forever and a day, it was starting to get a bit old. Edward had gone away with Bella to meet her mother. Without Bella things had become quite well, boring. Emmett dialed Esther's phone number again, laughing loudly as he glanced into the backseat at Jasper and Alice.

"You've gotta hear this." He laughed loudly, trying to keep a straight face. His large fingers dialed the number again; pressing the small speaker button the loud ringing filled the convertible.

_ "You have reached the voicemail box of...'what is this? Why are you asking for my name? I don't underst-' BEEP!'_" Alice smiled; laughing quietly behind her hand. Rosalie rolled her eyes but a smile was on her beautiful lips.

"Where is she?" Alice's brows furrowed she tried to concentrate, Jasper laid a soothing hand on her knee. But he gazed out the window dreading Esther's presence in the car. She was… difficult. Her blood seemed like a slice of heaven. How fitting. He tried to be around her as little as possible; but it was becoming harder, she and Alice had been attached at the hip lately. Carlisle form strode out of the building, his medical bag in hand. A look of surprise on his face, as he changed course towards the car, his brows knit together.

"I thought Esther was going with you." He voice soft; trying to mask something. Jasper stiffened next to Alice feelings of worry and trepidation rolling off Carlisle in waves.

"We have plans, where is she?" Rose huffed annoyed.

"She left hours ago..." Carlisle groaned; rubbing tired hands over his face. "Oh God…"

* * *

_Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything  
What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know  
goes away  
In the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

I sat in the back of the darkened store, my hands clutching the bottle tightly to my chest. It was just a baby; I had seen Carlisle deliver a child today. Stillborn. I wasn't even supposed to have been there. The image wasn't something could shake from my mind. I wished I could shrug it off like I would've years ago, claim it was better that way. God has a plan…..but the more time I spent down here the more I was starting to think He didn't. The more I thought; he was a kid with a science kit letting things play out. The more these thoughts crept into me, the more terrified I became.

I would only be a matter of time before HE came…to tempt me…and at this point; I didn't think I'd be able to resist. Only driving the knife further into my heart. Raising the bottle to my lips I took a sip; the sweet burn that coated my throat was heaven, lighting another cigarette I store ahead, unblinking, unmoving. The phone sitting on the dirty tile buzzed for the twentieth time. My gaze travelled to all the empty bottles around me. What have I become? Carefully, I crawled to the shelves, my finger grasping the edge pulling myself up, I clutched the phone dialing… Edward.

"Esther..." his voice was monotonous and possibly annoyed?

"Edward." I slurred…

"Esther, where are you? They're worried. They've been-"

"I…..you come get me?" my words jumbled together as I swayed against the cold metal shelves digging into my back.

"Esther..." he groaned. "Remember, I'm with Bella in Arizona?"

"Oh...righ'." I grumbled, raising the half burnt cigarette to my lips. "Don't worry…I'll go to yer' house." I stumbled towards the door, leaving my mess behind without a glance.

"Esther..." I snapped the phone shut .

Alice sat perched on the couch her head between her hands Esme paced back and forth wearing a hole in the carpet. Carlisle was dialing Esther's phone; back to back only getting her strange voicemail message. Flicking the television off Emmett rose from the couch in a huff.

"Well, I say we just go track her. I mean really where would she go?" Alice raised her eyes clouded with venom tears.

"I can't see her. She could be hurt-"they stopped, as there was a loud pounding on the glass of the front door. Rosalie blurred throwing it open to see a sight that was…strange. Esther leaned against the frame her normally full posture was hunched and swaying slowly. Eyes wide and unblinking.

"Where have you been!" Rosalie growled loudly grabbing the young woman's arm as she all but threw her through the door into the foyer. Stumbling; she almost fell, but Emmett quickly grasped her forearms picking her up mid fall. Sniffing his eyes glittered with amusement.

"Are you drunk?" Esther groaned pulling her arms from Emmett; and stumbling further in the home towards the kitchen; Alice's eyes wide and un-amused as Esme shook her head slowly.

"No." she responded weakly. Jasper's cold gaze on her, she lifted her eyes and shook her head. "Yes." Her feet dumbly crossed over each other, stumbling more she nearly fell again. Nearly, gazing up she saw Jasper pitch black eyes staring down at her as her grasped her waist firmly.

"What happened to you?" Esme asked sadly, disappointment ringing her ears. Esther frowned; anger welling inside her. They didn't understand, couldn't understand what it felt like to be so...Lost. Angrily stomping her foot, a bit like a child she grasped Jasper's shirt in her fingers trying to steady herself.

"I found a liquor store." She gasped as Jasper grabbed her a bit violently slinging her over his shoulder. Her hair falling all around her, she couldn't see where he was taking her. "I drank it." She called out bitterly. A yelp came from her throat as he unceremoniously threw her onto the sofa with a little more force than was needed. Her clouded blurry view saw Carlisle come out of his study; phone against his ear, he looked at her sadly, snapping it shut.

"What happened to you?"

"I'm on a bender!" she hissed, crossing her arms over her chest. Alice's gaze store a head blankly as Esther swayed side to side on the sofa, before she collapsed against the plushness, the room spinning. Emmett's booming laugh reverberated off the walls.

"Did she just say she's on a bender?"

"Victoria…she's here." The room became tense.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Emmett growled.

"Wait..."Esther struggled to sit, she words slurred with drunkenness. "I want to help." Jasper fixed her with a hard glare tossing a blanket at her, he growled.

"You can't." A bit of a southern drawl coming from him. "Sleep it off."

* * *

A/N: This was a bit of an ode to Supernatural... The episode where Castiel is so upset he gets completely wasted. Please review. Please Rewiew!


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Okay; thank you so much for all the new follows! I truly appreciate them! And Thanks to RachaelNicole523 and Dalonega Noquisi for their great reviews! Okay, things are really starting to get complicated and heat up in this chapter. Oh one more thing! Follow me on twitter! ** Nicoleanne88**_

* * *

_Chapter Eight: Mad World_

When I finally woke, my head. OH GOD IN HEAVEN; MY HEAD! It felt as if might combust at any moment; the kind of pain that felt as if little dwarfs were inside my skull chipping away. My mouth felt like the Sahara; dry and sandy. The curtains were yanked open in the living room and the sun viciously assaulted my eye sockets. Moaning pathetically, I rolled to my side trying to shield myself from whatever cruel individual was harassing my slumber.

"Get up." Esme's voice softly commanded. Moaning incoherently, I covered my face with my palms, trying to block out the vicious assault on my person, who knew Esme was capable of such cruelty? Certainly not I. I grew ridged feeling the soft deep red blanket being torn from my person, rolling in a attempt to covet the blanket I landed loudly in a heap on the cold hardwood floor.

"Good morning, Champ!" Emmett's voice screamed, I was certain he did such on purpose. Taking pleasure in my current condition. Raising myself up on to all fours I glared at the brawny man through the dark, matted tangled mess of hair. Sighing, I realized I looked like that little girl from that stupid movie_ The Ring_; Emmett had forced me to watch with him.

"Shush; "I groaned. Flopping back onto my rear end; I tucked my legs under myself. My hands cradling my head as it throbbed. "Not so loud." I hissed, barely above a whisper.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Alice's high pitched chipper voice bellowed inside my head, and reverberated of the walls of my skull. I think I'm going to be sick, I'm going to vomit. I tried to open my eyes, but somehow even the low light that filtered through the blinds made me squint and burned my eyes.

"Please. Just stop talking." I begged, planting my hands firmly on my ears. Every sight; every sound assaulting my senses mercilessly. My head throbbed loudly; I swore I could hear my blood pumping through my veins, as I stood; my body swaying slightly. "I need dark..." I grumbled softly, as I drug myself up stairs crawling up them on all fours, my body protesting. Loudly.

* * *

Esther righted herself on the landing; the large old wooden cross that hung on the landing wall, made her cast her eyes down. A strange feeling she couldn't place made her unable to look at it without feeling...anger, and pain. The large glass windows did not help or hid her from the light that was assaulting her senses, one door, down the long hall caught her attention. It was dark almost pitch black, with a shake of her head, followed by a pained moan she slinked into the room. The dark navy; midnight blue painted walls offered solace; the large dark wood full; over crowded bookshelves caught her attention. A large king size bed in the center against the wall. It was simple black duvet. Her breath caught; Oh shit. This was Jasper's bedroom. Her eye's darted to the open door. The sunlight visible as it lit the white walls and pale blue carpet, to bright… With a shrug she firmly decided she didn't care, if he would be angry, he'd get over it. It wasn't like he even liked her to begin with, he made it more than clear that he had no intentions of getting to know her, or even giving her a chance.  
Her hooded; pained eyes darted to the large dark wood desk the the far corner, she slinked over to the corner, behind the chair, the desk and its chair a barrier between her and the cruel outside world. Esther leaned heavily against the dark wall, sliding her body down, she curled her legs into her chest, her head lazily resting against her knees as her eyes drifted shut.

_ Esther's large commanding form stood imposingly; her wings folded against her back as she stood next to Michael. The Throne Room was sprawling; white marble floors, the sheer white light of His presence lighting up the heavens as far as the eye could see. The bulky muscled angel next to her, had he jaw set angrily. His large marked arms, folded over his chest as he glared at the angel before them. Esther's gaze drifted to the figure that stood in front of the throne, fists clenched.  
Samael; her breath caught. Her brother. It had been so long ago, she couldn't believe she even remembered what he looked like. He was stunning the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Tall and imposing; his skin was lightly tanned; classical angular face with the most stunning emerald eyes; that twinkled like jewels set into flesh. His slightly wavy ebony hair; tickled his broad muscled shoulders. But his gaze was hard and angry, as he store at the throne._

_"I will not!" he hissed, teeth clenched. Esther visibly bristled, her back ridged as her worried gaze met Michael's steely blue gaze. Something burned in the depths of his soul. His teeth clenched as his large hand rested on the hilt of the sword at his side, ready to pounce at any given moment. "I will not bow!" Samael's deep caramel voice said, as he rose his chin arrogantly. "You can't make me."_

_"I can make you…. Do not forget that, son." A booming voice said, the floor beneath them trembling. Esther unfurled her wings; hiding her face behind her right tip, her body trembling._

_"I won't." Samael huffed indignantly, his fists at his side._

_"That is you choice, Son….I will not force you; just know the consequences of your choice."_

_"You love them more than us..." Samael's eyes burned, as he crossed his arm,s folded in front of him, his large pitch black wings unfurling behind him. "You love them more than...me" his voice changed, it sounded hurt, full of sorrow. His eyes downcast as he hung his head. Esther snickered behind her wing. He was Father's favorite, God loved him more than Michael, more than her, and here he stood throwing a tantrum like a spoiled child._

_"The choice is yours; you will bow before Adam...before my children." The voice instantly stopped Esther's snickering as she hid her face again. Peeking her azure gaze over the tip of her wing, her azure gaze was fixed on her brother. 'Do not do this.' She silently said, theirs gazes locking. Michael's large hand clapped on her shoulder. Holding her back, her eyes looked back to Samael whose green eyes had fire burning in them a scowl etched in his features._

_"They are weak; they do not-"_

_"Enough."_

_"Father; I will show you..."_

_"Get out of my sight..." A loud crack of thunder made Esther jump, turning body; she hid her face into the muscled bulky shoulder of her brother, as his set jaw loosened, as he rested it atop her hair. _

_"You know what must be done." Esther shivered as a sense of dread drifted down her spine._

Esther's skin froze as cold stony hands touched her shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze, long dark lashes fluttered as her eyes store ahead to see the pained face of Jasper crouched in front of her. Her eyes store in to the golden depths of his. His pale flawless skin glittered slightly in the darkness.

"Are you alrigh'?" his southern drawl waswas slight, but the twang was still there. His hand still rest on her shoulder heavy, and cool. The memory; the dream was oppressive, a boulder on her shoulders. Swallowing the dry heavy lump in her throat, her azure eyes bore in to his as tears welled up in the stunning depths.

"I don't think so. " She answered honestly, wrapping her arms around her knees. "I don't think I'll ever really be." A cloud of emotion filled his features as he pulled his hand back; clasping them they hung limply between his knees.

"You will be fine, it takes time." His deep voice felt like hot chocolate dripping down her back making her shiver. Her eyes looked the vampire over, she'd never realized just how beautiful he was, much more so without that permanent scowl. The wavy honey blonde hair was shaggy in front of his eyes. Her eyes widened as a single ray of sunlight; ghosted over his face, a brief flash of a crescent shaped scar just above his brow caught her attention. What had happened to him?

"I don't know how to do this...I don't know how to be...a human." She grumbled sourly, her eyes fixed on her legs. A deep chuckle filled her ears.

"None of us did; you'll learn." The corner of his mouth twitched, the hair brushed in his eyes. His face was beautiful, and the half smile caused her to smirk. Without thinking Esther trembling fingers, reached out brushing the hair from his eyes. Her fingers brushed the cold hard skin. A hand shot out wrapping his long fingers around her wrist, hard. It was bruising; she could feel his grip around her wrist tighten her wrist bone screaming under the pressure. His eyes were shut tightly; as they opened slowly she gasped. The pitch blackness taking Esther off guard. Trying to jerk her wrist from his grasp, her squeezed tighter. The blackness starring into her eyes, she pulled harder. Jerking her body violently, as she tumbled a bit over her heels, her body crashing into his chest. His hard stony unmovable form didn't flinch; or jerk, his squatted form still clutched her wrist tightly. Her free hand landing palm flat against his hard chest, the crisp fabric of his dark blue button down grasped tightly in her fingers as she tried to collect herself. A crumpled fallen heap at his feet; he screwed his eyes shut tightly. Breathing deeply.

"Jasper...please let me go." She squeaked, wrenching her wrist from his grasp a sigh left her lips as she felt his fingers l release the soft flesh. Her hand rubbed the bruised flesh; as her azure eyes looked into the inky blackness of his.  
"Are you alright?" her voice trembled. Jasper's black eyes flashed with what seemed to be shame, as he all but jumped away from her trembling body. His face contorted is a harsh scowl; a deep growl came from him. Esther's eyes shot open wide as his harsh features glowered at her, the unmistakable loathing in his eyes.

"Do not touch me." He hissed almost animalistic, she blinked shocked. Her small body trembling. She was scared, for the first time in her existence she was scared, honestly terrified. The pour venom in his eyes, a murderous look etched into his beautiful features. His form blurred from the room a loud slam of the door, making her huddled form jump. She blinked rapidly, mouth gaping as she tried helplessly to wrap her mind around what had just happened.

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_**A/N: Just a quick little bit of useless trivia…like I said my angel lore is a bit of a mish mash of all kinds of stuff, so in the 'memory' Samael is a character that will be showing up much later; but is a figure in Hebrew lore; basically Samael was Lucifer, in heaven before he was cast out, they are the same person/being/angel. "Get out of my sight." Is actually in the Islamic story of how 'the Devil'/ Samael fell from grace; in the story it's Samael refused to bow and there was no war, all Allah said was 'Get out of my sight.' And he fell, like I said mish mash of stuff.**_


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/N: Thank you so much to _****_Dalonega Noquisi_****_ for the awesome review! Remember reviews are worth their weight in gold, and I love them! Also they motivate me a bit._**

_Chapter Nine: Sweet Child of Mine_

_Sweet child o' mine  
Sweet love of mine  
Where do we go?  
Where do we go now?  
Where do we go?  
Sweet child o' mine._

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There it was. The moment he'd known was coming. The moment Jasper Whitlock saw Carlisle bring Esther through that door; he'd known he was in trouble. Big trouble. The small woman at Carlisle's side clad in his light blue button down, that only barely came mid-thigh. Her dark long hair; messy and tousled, creamy lily skin; it seemed to have an almost golden shimmer to it. The pull was strong; and mixed. The moment her almost purple eyes met his; his body reacted. Venom pooled in his mouth, almost enough to appear as if he was drooling at the sight of the woman….angel…whatever. One part of him craving to sink his teeth into her neck and taste the swee,t clean smelling nectar that flowed through her veins. Another part urging him to throw her over the table and take her; in front of all of them. He snorted. That was sure to go over well; he was sure his wife would appreciate that. She was different kind of woman; if you could call her a woman at all. No nonsense; she cut straight to the point. He'd appreciated that in a person. Beautiful, and smart, and difficult to resist; difficult to be around. The smile that rarely made it's was to that face of hers could light up a room, and her laugh, oh sweet Jesus, her laugh was sexy as hell; enough to make any man beg.

Those first few weeks were sheer torture; she was so troubled, and she'd needed him, even if she didn't know it. Her sleep was full of moaning, tossing and turning. Begging for mercy. He'd been there for her, she'd never know it. She didn't need to, but he'd been there, taking all the emotions from her. The fear, dread, rage and confusion. He'd thought with time she'd gotten better through; more accustomed to human life, as human as they could make it. The smiles came more often, jokes, laughs and with that she didn't need him to keep silent vigil over her anymore.

But she was like a plague; invading every pore, every fiber of his body. She'd created a life for herself, and he'd avoided her, at every turn. Only being around the woman when absolutely necessary, but when he closed his eyes for even a moment; there was her face, smiling, laughing.  
Then there was his wife; Alice, sweet Alice. His savior, his wife. He could never hurt her; never betray her. The kicker? She loved Esther! Thought the woman was the best thing that had come into their lives since Bella, and we all knew how great Bella was shaping up for the family.  
The truth of it was simple: Alice was Jaspers wife; and he'd always love her, but for the last few decades things had…changed. They were best friends; the closest confidants but rarely lovers anymore. On the rare occasion, it was…different. They'd lacked the passion they once shared, the undying love that united them. It was more like using each other; tending to needs that required to be taken care of. A source of release.

But now, God. The pull. Jasper shook his head, wearing a literal path in the loosely packed dirt of the forest floor. The lush greenery surrounding him as he ran a hand through the already messy honey blonde locks. When she touched him, he'd almost lost it. The warmth of her hand, the sweet smell of her blood as it pumped through her radial artery. It had been so close; he easily could have tasted her. Just a taste. She was immortal. He could have…no consequences at all. But no; that was not what had disturbed him so; it was the want, or lack of know what it was he wanted! Damnit! He growled, slamming a fist against the nearest tree. His brain was always bickering between the wants. To be frank: eating her and for lack of a better word, _fucking _her.  
That was the perfect word; there was nothing sweet about it, or innocent. There was no love making in it; he wanted her plain and simple. God help him; he wanted to claim the damn woman; make her his.

The pull was so strong; it was becoming harder to ignore everyday…. God help him; she was his...Mate.

"Hey." Alice smirked; leaning her shoulder against the tree he'd punched a few moments ago. Her eyes twinkled mischievously. A slight breeze whistled through the trees, cutting through the damp heavy air. Her short cropped hair blowing a bit but the smile never leaving those lips.

"You knew..." Jaspers gazed narrowed his eyes dark with anger, fists clenched at his sides as he gazed at his wife; a harsh scowl etched into his handsome face. "You knew she would touch me…that this would happen!" He hissed, accusing. Betrayal; coursed through his long dead veins. Anger filling every ounce of him. That smirked said it all. Alice's smirk fell a bit; and a sadder smile took its' place as she pushed herself from the large tree. Her small form closing the distance between her and her livid husband, dead leaves crunching beneath her feet.

"I did." She smiled sadly; her cold hand reaching up, as she lightly drug her finger tips across his slightly marred cheek; palm landing flat against his chest. Jasper eyes filled with venom, as he gazed down at his wife, so loyal, so giving. He was a damn bastard.

His hand grasping her wrist, he brought her knuckles up to his lips, lightly kissing them. "I can fight it." Alice laughed sweetly, her head tossed back, her white perfect teeth glittering. Amusement danced in her golden eyes as she gazed hardly into his pitch black ones. His jaw clenched and his teeth ground together. "Do not laugh at me, woman." He growled lowly.

"Sorry, Jas, sorry." She quickly apologized, composing herself. "I don't want you to fight it, Jas." Her voice was filled with sincerity as she looked straight into the blackness. "We both know she is meant be yours….Why would you fight it?" A deep growl filled his chest as he quickly dropped his Alice's wrist, as if it had burned him. Wrenching himself from her; he resumed his pacing. Hands clasped tightly behind his back, jaw set and eyes fixated on the ground. The sheer rage that radiated off him making Alice shift uncomfortably, as she store at her pained husband. "For me?"

Earning no response; only his pace quickened. His movements blurring. Bringing her small hands up her fingers messaged her temples as her gaze hardened a bit.

"Jas, stop it!" She hissed, their eyes meeting as the pitch blackness of his faded back to gold. "I knew it wouldn't be forever." She merely whispered her eyes staring down at her black boot clad feet, as he kicked at the dirt. The silence deafening. "You did too; I saved you, yes. I love you, yes. But we were never mates, and we both knew that." Her gaze rose slowly to meet his. "I'll always love you, but I don't think I love you…the way a wife should a husband…anymore." Jasper stopped abruptly, his body ridged and he visibly bristled, spinning on a heel to stare at her. There it was; finally on the table, they'd both felt it, but refused to acknowledge it. Here it was; and it wasn't a freeing as he'd thought it might feel.

"I'll always have a spot for you in my heart, Alice."

"Yeah; but the question remains." Alice's smirk returned and her eyes twinkled as she crossed her arms over her chest. "How do you win the affections of a mate if you refuse to be in the same room as her?" Alice quirked her eyebrow knowingly.


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter Ten: Trouble Brewing_

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Esther climbed out of the taxi; slamming the door she held out a few bills to the elderly man. She really needed someone to teach her how drive one of these damned vehicles. Slinging the large black handbag over her shoulder; she couldn't help but feel like the damn thing was useless. Alice said it was stylish; she said it was 'Gucci', whatever the hell that was. The half smoked cigarette pressed tightly between her lips she hiked up the long driveway; the gravel crunching beneath her bright hot pink plastic clad feet. She loved these damn things; they were heaven and all the ladies at Carlisle's office wore them, so they were in style, right? The voicemail was slightly concerning. Alice sounded upset, said she had to come over straight after work. The loose fitting light pink colored scrubs did little to protect her arms from the cool night air. The silver Volvo…was parked in the driveway. She cocked her head to the side, exhaling the bluish smoke, the flicking the ashes with her thumb. When did Edward get home? Granted she'd been avoiding them since her drunken escapade…since Jasper almost decided to take a bite out of her. Tossing the butt carelessly into the shrubs, as she climbed the steps, using the hair tie on her wrist she pulled her hair high up into a disheveled messy bun.  
Her hand closed around the door knob jiggling it; unlocked, she slinked in. Shutting it lightly behind her. Black, the foyer was empty and dark, with a shrug she tossed the mostly empty black bag onto the expensive black leather sofa, her plastic shoes, softly squeaking against the light colored hardwood.

"In the den!" Emmett's voice boomed. Oh alright; she shrugged. Padding through the kitchen towards the back of the house. Her brow furrowed as she looked at all the stoic faces. Carlisle and Esme sat on the couch staring ahead, Rosalie in the armchair with Emmett protectively behind her. When her shoulder brushed against something hard a cool, she finally noticed Edward standing beside her, with an arm slinked around Bella's waist.

"Why so serious?" Esther chuckled lightly, as she tugged the light pink shirt over her head, the thin white tank top, revealing her slightly sweaty skin. Edward turned to her a tight forced smile on his lips. Her eyes darted to the others, who still looked troubled not even a ghost of a smile. "Jeez, who spit in your fruit loops." She mumbled, slowly easing down next to Alice. Her bottom resting on the arm of the sofa.

"His scent disappeared about five miles south of Bella's house."

"Someone orchestrated this."

"Victoria?"

"No I would have seen..."

"No, I didn't recognize the scent; it must be the Volturi." Esther's eyes bounced from as each spoke; what is going on? The continued to bicker as she tried to keep up. Rosalie didn't seem too thrilled about another 'protection detail.'

"Excuse me." Messaging her eye sockets with her finger tips, pinching the bridge of her nose. God; she was tired. She just wanted to go home. The bickering continued as Bella droned on about 'not letting them starve.' Clearing her throat, she opened her mouth to speak; but was cut off by Edward, as she narrowed her eyes at the rude boy. Squaring her shoulders and taking a steady breath.

"EXCUSE ME!" Esther's voice was loud and booming, her hands planted firmly on her knees, leaning forward as her gaze was hard and jaw set. Her eyes met Carlisle's. "Why am I here?" her voice changed back to a softer sweetness.

"A vampire was in Bella's home." Jasper's heavy southern drawl answered. A single chuckle left her lips, and a small smile found its' way to her face, revealing her teeth. "There's always a vampire in Bella's home." Esther rolled her eyes.

"One we do not know." Carlisle interjected as Esther's gaze still stared at Jasper, God, help her. He was sex on legs. That was not helping; he tried to turn her into a snack and hear she was staring at him. His golden eyes openly roamed her body. Why she couldn't be sure. Maybe her blood would be quite yummy, maybe he was hungry. "Alice saw him, getting Bella's scent, he took her shirt."

"Oh well," Esther smiled wryly at Bella. "That adds a whole new level of creepy." Emmett chuckled. "Let me steal your clothes in the middle of the night so I can sit in a dark corner and sniff it."Edward obviously didn't find it as amusing. His teeth gritted, and gaze hard; fixed on Esther's relaxed small form.

"He's not just sitting at home sniffing it..." shrugging Esther sighed.

"Look; I just worked eight hours." She glanced at Carlisle smirk lighting up her eyes. As she stood with a groan and stretching her arms high over her head. "I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep."

"You're spending the next few nights here." Carlisle voice was strong and quiet but stern. His fingers intertwining with Esme's dragging her hand into his lap. Her eyes lifted to Esther's' and smile graced her beautiful face. As Esther quirked and eyebrow and cocked her head to the side. "We can't risk putting you in harms way."

"Umm, why would I want to do that?" Esme visibly recoiled as Alice's mouth dropped open. "That's not what I meant!" Esther groaned, slapping her palm against her forehead; quickly back-peddling. "I lo- … admire you all;" Esther clasped her hands to her chest earnestly.

"You just like your privacy." Carlisle said with an easy smile. With a smile she plopped back down next to Alice her hands falling limply in her lap. as she chewed at her bottom lip. "Well; yeah. I don't like being in a house with." Gesturing to each of them. "Seven; most of the time, eight other people…I'm sorry; if that hurts to hear." Her head turned to Esme as sad small smile creeping onto her face.

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**_A/N: I'm sorry this chapter took forever! I've had a alot of personal things going on in my life the past few months. Please review!_**


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter Eleven: Follow me.._

_You don't know how you met me  
you don't know why  
You can't turn around and say goodbye  
all you know is when I'm with you  
I make you free  
and swim through your veins like a fish in the sea._

* * *

The argument last for a least an hour. Much to Esther's displeasure she'd lost. She never really stood a chance though. Seven against one; it wasn't right; she thought with a shake of her head. She climbed out of Jasper's car, quivering as the cold night air hit her. The wind assaulting her face. Alice had volunteered Jasper to take her home to get somethings. 'It'll be fun! Like a sleepover!' Alice's voice called. What the hell was a 'sleepover?' Glancing over her shoulder, she watched as Jasper wordlessly followed her, the cold night clearly not affecting him the slightest. Lucky bastard. Gracefully she climbed up the old rickety wooden stairs behind the diner, as she fished in the black abyss of a purse, fiddling with her key. Embarrassment coursed through her. She hadn't cleaned today; the small apartment was a mess. Mess; that was putting it lightly, it looked like a bomb went off.  
Her fingers trembled as she unlocked the deadbolt; and pushed the door open. Her hand blindly flicking the wall switch, the bright florescent lights blinking to life.

"Sorry; I didn't know I'd be having company." Her head down, as she held the door open, flippantly waving Jasper in. To her shock and almost horror he offered a small smile as he slinked past her. His eyes roaming the small kitchen they'd entered. It wasn't that bad. Her watched wordlessly as she tossed the black purse on to the faux wood; contact papered counter. She brushed the few messy dark hairs that had fallen from her bun away from her pink wind kissed cheeks. The scrubs were a size too big; he couldn't help but notice. The light pink linen hung from her petite slender frame, baggy and making her body almost boxy, He supressed a chuckle as she tugged her pants up...again.

"You wanna beer?" Her voice pulled him from his thoughts, drawing his eyes straight to her linen clad bottom; as she bent in to the fridge; her head lost in the brightly lit box. Before he could answer, she spoke again. "Sorry; I forgot." She straightened. Reappearing clutching the brown bottle in one hand as she effortlessly popped the top; and tossed the metal lid onto the counter with a clink. He couldn't help but watch the gentle sway of her hips as she sauntered to the small table in the corner, plopping gracelessly into a chair. A dark eyebrow rose, as her azure gaze bounced between him and the opposite chair. For once not thinking about his speed; he blurred into the seat earning a loud laughed. "Show off." She muttered raising the bottle to her lips.

"I thought you swore off alcohol?" Jasper's drawl filled her ears, amusement dancing in his golden eyes. Leaning back into the chair she shrugged.

"It's good...in moderation." Jasper chuckled.

"Ah yes; I suppose moderation is key...with anything." He watched as she lit a cigarette quirking an eyebrow. She smoked like a damn chimney. Generally, he found the habit disgusting, but with her. It didn't bother him so much.

"So…" Esther drew out the word leaning forward into the table, resting her elbows on it. The cigarette dangling precariously from her full pink lips. "Bella's got a mess?"

"Bella's always in a mess it seems." Jasper muttered darkly. "I swear that girl's a danger magnet." Something flashed in Esther's eyes it was there but then gone as she exhaled a puff of grey blue smoke.

"Humans...are defensless...powerless. That's why they need to be protected." Her voice was soft and mournful. The sadness rolling off her in waves. "And now so am I…for an eternity." Taking another drag she rested her chin in the palm of her hand. Leaning heavily on the table, her eyelids drifted shut.

"You're not defenseless." Jasper started earnestly; leaning toward her the table; thankfully a buffer. "You have us…you have me" the words had past his lips before he could stop them, the truth be told he wasn't even sure he wanted too. She did have him, whether she realized it or not. Forever; his mate. He'd do anything; be anything for her. If a friend was all she wanted from him, then that's all he'd be. A dark cynical laugh past her lips, as she opened her eyes, wrapping her fingers around the bottle, cigarette still between her fingers, she took a swig.

"Lucky you; "she muttered. "Damned to be my babysitter. An eternity of watching me screw up." Smoke poured from between her lips. "Because I will."

"You will what?" Jasper quirked an eyebrow.

"Screw up. It's the human condition."

"But you aren't human..." Jasper reasoned. "Not really."

"Ahh." She laughed bitterly. "My punishment: being human, but unlike them. Never able to escape, unable to die. How poetic." Taking another drink, she sighed placing the cigarette back between her lips. "You all give me too much credit…Even angels…we aren't perfect."

"Darlin' you are the closest thing to prefect." A bark of laughter left her lips, her voice growing gruff from cigarettes and alcohol. She pushed her chair back a bit, kicking off her hot pink crocs, revealing red white and green Santa covered Christmas socks; it was April.

"That's funny;" she slid her chair back in place. "I've always been told I'm impulsive; reckless and too temperamental…Trust me Jasper; I'm not…" her expression darkened and he could feel a deep shame fill the room. "I'm nowhere near perfect." Esther's eyes bulged a bit, as his cold hand slid across the table, prying her fingers from the bottle and his fingers crushed the cigarette in the glass ashtray. Taking her small warm hand between his two cold ones, he smirked.

"You are." Anger. Anger coursed through him as she tore her hand away, slamming it against the table.

"Damn it Jasper!" she ran a shaky hand over her hair nearly ripping it from its bun. The dark long tresses tumbling down her back. "I'm not what you all think I am!" she hissed. "I'm not. It's my own fault I've let you believe I am. I've lied. I've lied because I was afraid...of what you'd all think of me, if you knew...the truth."

"What truth?" he pressed darkly.

"What do you think? Think of Angels?" before he could answer she continued almost hysterically as she took another long drink, slamming the glass bottle down on the table so forcefully he was surprised it didn't shatter. "You think we're 'good'." She used her finger to make air quotes around the word good. Her hand shakily snatched another cigarette from the pack. "Things aren't that black and white; as old as you are…you should know that."

"I do." He nodded, leaning back in his chair. Arms folding over his chest.

"We may be good…..but I've done. We do… terrible things! Mass genocide, murder…these are all things I've done, without a thought, without question." She angrily lit the cigarette, taking a deep drag her face contorted as she leaned towards him the smoke escaping her lips. "And I liked it…I actually liked it. When we took down Sodom I though they deserved it."

"Maybe they did."

"That isn't the point!" she cried throwing her hands in the air. "The point is: I never stopped and thought for myself, I killed men, women, children in a matter of hours we wiped a whole city out, and I never stopped to think if what I was doing was right...wrong. Somewhere in the middle. It didn't matter to me."

"Grey."

"Exactly, my whole existence is varying shades of grey." She stopped chest heaving, her guts laying on the table. She'd spilled them, she didn't even know why. It felt good; to have it off her shoulders the weight gone in a moment. It felt. Right. Right; to tell him her secrets, right to confide in him. She couldn't understand why. "I should disgust you, I disgust myself."

"You don't disgust me; you could never-"

"But I should! I was nothing more than a lap dog; Faith…it wasn't faith..." she laid her forehead heavily on the cool metal table, with a sigh. "Faith isn't born from fear." She muttered ominously against the cool metal, never even bothering to look up.

"Fear?"

"Fear..." her head snapped up; their eyes meeting in a fiery haze. "I tossed my own brothers and sisters into a pit; a horrible dark, torturous place, knowing what I was doing… Because they'd disobeyed; because they'd…thought for themselves…..I was afraid to do the same." It all made sense in a moment; her secrets; her 'lies'. She was a scared child. Afraid that they'd turn their backs on her at the first mistake, just like Heaven had. She was afraid to be 'cast out' again. Jasper softened leaning forward taking her hand again; letting other hand clutch it's cigarette tightly.

"We all make mistakes, I know… I have done things I'm not proud of. It's a struggle. They, We, I would never turn our backs on you."

"You say that now." She chuckled darkly; rolling her eyes as she brought the cigarette to her lips, allowing her to hold the other. The coldness of him was strangely inviting and comforting. Soothing.

"Esther." He hissed. His grip on her hand tightening, almost too tight. "Look at me." He commanded his voice harsh and demanding; it was an order. She swallowed hard, as her eyes met his and the world seemed to stop. Everything melted away, no world, no life, no past, just him. "I will NEVER turn my back on you." It was a promise, a sincere one, and she couldn't help but believe him.

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**_A/N: Please take a moment to review!_**


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: I want to thank: Twibe for the review: I glad you enjoy this story, cause I love writing it!_

* * *

_Chapter Twelve: a Bucket._

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_Esther POV:_

I couldn't help but stare at the man before me. _'I will never turn my back on you'_. I was shocked. The sincerity that radiated off him, his golden eyes had gone black with some sort of emotion I could not quite place. But I must say as shocked as I was I was inclined to believe every word that left his mouth. All the time I had spent with the Cullen's I learned quite a bit about Jasper, even in his notable absence and general avoidance. He was not the type of person that suffered fools. In fact; as my gaze took in his presence I could not help but notice the vampire before me was a giant walking contradiction. He was emotional, but very militant in his attitude. Soft but strong, gentle yet hard and quiet but he didn't really seem to need words to get his point across.  
His long lean legs were slightly spread under my rickety table, palms pressed firmly together; his tawny locks dusting lightly against the beautiful, exceptional face as he leaned back in the chair looking completely at ease. I tore my gaze away as the organ in my chest started the thunder fast and loud, and a blush colored my cheeks. What was this? My mouth went dry and felt nervous, why was I nervous? I didn't make any sense...but then again, nothing really made sense to me anymore. My life had turned to chaos in a matter of months and despite everything I found myself able to embrace it. Willing to embrace the chaos. I like Earth, I like humans, I like the Cullen's….This was a punishment; one that was failing and I didn't dare speak it out loud for fear it might be snatched away in an instant. In a blink of an eye, his cold hard hand was cupping my cheek as I blinked rapidly. Leaning across the table his long form was intimidating; and I am not easily intimidated. The pad of his thumb seemed to stroke my cheek, and I found myself wishing I could nuzzle into his cold hand. I didn't of course but I wanted to. I found myself wishing I could curl up in his lap, and have him hold me. Let me hold him.  
But as quickly as he'd touched me he was back in his seat; pained look ever present, and I sighed mournfully. What was happening to me? Why did I feel like there was a string around my heart and it was tugging me to him?

"You should get your things; we should be goin'." I loved his voice, his accent it was smooth and warm like honey. Swallowing the saliva that was in my mouth, I found the presence of mind enough to nod. Taking a final swig of my beer, and standing I laid it back down on the table snuffing out the cigarette that I had completely forgotten I was even smoking.

"I'm going to shower; Ill only be a second." I slipped through the small gap between the table and the pastel dusty yellow painted wall. Not waiting for an answer; because I had learned with Jasper there was a very high chance I'd never get one.

"Take your time; darlin'." I didn't look back over my shoulder for fear that my poor heart couldn't beat any faster, if it did it might just give out.

Jasper watched with a quiet curiosity as Esther padded into the bathroom. Her sock clad feet making a soft gentled padding sound against the aged beige carpet. She was so lovely; he wondered if he'd ever be able to stop looking at her? The way her long dark hair swayed around her waist; made him want to just coil it in his fingers if only for a moment. Gah! Frustration set in. He'd made her nervous, he'd scared her. Why couldn't his mate have been a vampire; hell, he'd even take a human at this point but Esther, damn it! The angel, woman, whatever…was borderline emotionally retarded! Gritting his teeth he griped his hair tightly in frustration. How the hell did he go about this? How do you explain the Mating Pull to a woman who barely was able to understand the more basic emotions? She was always sending him waves of confusion, and puzzlement….disorientation. The gentle vibration of his phone pulled him away from his thoughts. Flipping it open without even looking at who it was he was surprised when the scolding voice of Alice filled his ears.

"Cut her some slack, Jazz, jeez." Alice scolded.

"I am, Alice…It's just …" He ran his fingers through his hair messing it further. "Frustrating."

"She's doing well, she's learning and it's not like she doesn't feel it…"

"She just doesn't understand it…I know."

"It's going to take time….but trust me." Alice laughed cryptically. "It'll be worth the wait."

"Leave it me to have a mate with the emotional depth of a fuckin' bucket." He almost laughed when he heard Alice click her tongue and could already she her shaking her head on the other line.


	13. Chapter 13

_Chapter Thirteen: Music of the Night._

_Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation  
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination  
Silently the senses abandon their defenses_

* * *

Closing her eyes for what felt like the twentieth time; crossing her arms protectively over her chest. Esther allowed herself to sink into the soft cozy warmth. Allowed the plushness to engulf her. The subtle musky masculine scent of Jasper Hale wreaking havoc on her on her senses. The fluttering of her stomach and the dull throb between her thighs making it difficult to drift off in to a sleep induced paradise.  
Eyes fluttering open once again, she found herself staring again, at the stark white ceiling. Every divet, every visible brushstroke, the occasional slightly raised patch of drywall tape; none safe from her narrowed irate gaze.

* * *

_Esther POV:_

For many a year I have often heard Father, my siblings, and the inhabitants of Earth alike claim that in the darkness lay danger. In the insidious ni9ght is when one had to be careful. Human, demons and angels alike engaged in their 'dirty deeds', in the amenity and safety the nighttime offered. This was where sin; deviance and general carelessness flourished.  
I have found that I strenuously disagree. Especially lately; the night offers me a bit of solitude and clarity. There is nowhere to hide as I lay staring at the ceiling in his room. His scent, his person effects and sheer existence mocking my soul. My eyes had long adjusted to the darkness. I couldn't help but I let my eyes scan the room multiple times. I can't lie. I am highly aware of the personal-ness of a person's room. But I have to admit, I find Jasper Hale intriguing. Maybe it's the mystery, of all the Cullen family he is the one  
I know least about. I have spent minimal time around him. Maybe it's the air of danger that he exudes. I have no evidence to back these claims mind you. But under that stoic emotionless facade, there is a sense of danger, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't find that intriguing. If I said I didn't yearn to know more about the enigma.  
With a sigh; I rolled onto my side, curling my legs tightly into my chest. What is wrong with me lately? What is this feeling? Who am I actually kidding? I know exactly what this is; I once the epitome of Righteousness, modesty and morality, was lusting. It's disgusting. I was disgusting to myself.  
No, I am not being melodramatic, my name is not Edward. My more recent thoughts make me physically ill. The logical part of my brain chided me; that who could blame me? The human drive to copulate can at times, be all consuming, and God given. 'Be fruitful and multiply' and who wouldn't want to multiply with that?  
I shook my head. I'm disgusting. So wrong, I am absolutely …sinful. But that voice, that accent. When he speaks it turns my insides to goo. Oh Father; help me.  
There are more pressing issues that should be consuming my thoughts. Like Bella's little 'issue'. The perfect example of why I and other angels were ordered not to get attached or too involved with humans. They're nothing if not trouble.  
That is where he was, after all. Rosalie and Jasper had 'protection detail' tonight. That is, until the shape shifters relieved them, but I have no idea when that will be. I sigh, I think it is good through to be away from him. It gives me time to not have these silly human hormones running rampant, not to mention gives my poor ovaries a break. A loud sigh passes my lips, as I run my finger through my tangled mass of hair. All my tossing and turning had turned it into quite the mess. Screwing my eyes shut I pray for sleep…and my thoughts begin to wander again.  
They don't sleep, they can't. So why does Hale have a bed? Why was he so kind earlier this evening? I had been so sure he hated me. Positive; in fact. But now…I am troubled.  
Earlier tonight, he had been so kind, so understanding. Quietly listening and quailing my subconscious fears. Even when explaining the darker parts of my past. I felt no judgment. No condemnation or disgust. Considering that the empath had the tendency to project at times, I found that to be a great comfort. However; it also threw fuel on the fires of infatuation. I wonder if he feels it? Of course he does, you imbecile. That is why he is so kind all of a sudden. After all; who could find it on themselves to be cruel to the poor pathetic fallen angel who pines after them?  
The sound of an unknown item clattering to the floor downstairs and a muffled curse, pull me from my unhealthy musings.  
I stifled a chuckle as I sat up in bed. A wealth of black comforter pooling around my waist. Ever the gentleman; Jasper had insisted to Carlisle and Esme that I take his room. However; I cannot wait to get back to the privacy of my own 'home'. Esme does not allow me to smoke in the house. It's frustrating. Alice is always trying to dress me, and slather me in make-up... It helps that Edward is rarely home, a little privacy in my own mind is something I have learned to cherish. Something that I will openly admit; I had taken for granted before. Before I found myself entangled in the web of the Cullen's, powerless to escape. Because I didn't want to.  
Another curse from downstairs; Emmett. I let out a loud laugh this time. It would seem he had trouble entertaining himself with his wife out of the house. I laughed even louder as the unmistakable sound of him zipping up the stairs at vampire speed filled my ears. Only a millisecond before the door swung open, the large burly vampire standing in the doorframe.

"Ettie?" for some reason Emmett had taken to calling her 'Ettie'. Sadly; it was catching on with the rest of the family as well. "Aren't you fragile humans supposed to be sleeping?" A wicked smile present as he teased her relentlessly.

"Oh human. Now I'm a human, huh?" Esther rolled her eyes.

"Um, yeah! Little Miss Ettie." Emmett laughed as I peeled back the comforter. Playfully narrowing my eyes at him.

"Little!" I hissed. "I'll show you little." Esther yelled taking off after Emmett,

Alice lifted her gaze from the glossy pages of her magazine, rolling her eyes. Esther's bare feet clamored down the stairs. The pale blue tank top leaving little to the imagination as her small chest heaved. Her hand gripped the banister, as she swung her weight around it, using her momentum to propel her into the family room. Emmett laughed loudly as he took off out the large glass panel. Alice shook her head slowly, a smirk on her perfect face, magazine resting on her thighs.

"Hey!" Esther screeched to a halt, her palms pressed firmly against either side of the open panel. "Cheater!" Esther screeched loudly, her upper torso hanging out of the open panel, her loud voice echoed loudly in the pitch black night.


End file.
